Did his teeth just fall out? Donald Trump slurs his way through the worst speech of all time

| 2:48 pm EST December 6, 2017
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I’ve spent the past two years listening to Donald Trump giving speeches. I thought I’d seen and heard it all. The incoherence. The babbling. The mispronounced words. The stretches where we were all sure he was high on cocaine. But it turns out that was all just a mere warm up act for a speech Trump gave today, which saw him slurring and sniffing in such bizarre fashion that no one is even quite sure what they just watched.

Trump was trying to give a speech about moving the United States Embassy in Israel to Jerusalem, which is a blatant attempt on his part at trying to trigger a Middle East war to distract people from his mounting scandals and collapsing presidency. But the only thing anyone will remember about this speech is that he began slurring so badly as it went on, he ended up finishing by saying something that sounded like “God blesh the United Shesh.”

Popular debate immediately began across the internet as to what might have been going on. Some observers believed they saw Trump’s teeth shifting around in his mouth and concluded that his dentures must have slipped, causing him to slur so badly. Others said they couldn’t detect any such teeth movement. Some thought Trump was suffering from cotton mouth, perhaps from a cocaine binge, which would explain why he was also sniffing so severely during the speech. Others suggested that he may have suffered an undiagnosed stroke.

So there you have it. As his world is caving in on him, Donald Trump is now coming off so poorly that the public can’t figure out if his teeth fell out, or he’s coming down from a cocaine binge, or he had a stroke. Welcome to 2017. It’s not going to get better until the 25th Amendment is invoked against him and he’s removed.