What the hell is even happening?

| 6:01 pm EST December 8, 2017
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I know, I know. It’s the question most of have asked at the start of every day of this year. The answer is rarely straightforward, and even more rarely intelligible. But this week is taking the cake. Some of the things that are happening are so over the top, it’s as if the scriptwriters for this darkly twisted Donald Trump sitcom gave up and began using audience suggestions. Where do I even start?

Trump gave a speech this week in which he started cartoonishly slurring his words, either because he has fake teeth and they fell out, or because he had a stroke, and no one is sure which one it is, and it may not even be the strangest thing that happened this week. This week has been so whacked out that Trump gave up Twitter three days ago and no one even noticed.

Trump’s staff has been filling in with occasional tweets to his account in his absence, including a late night bender after midnight on Thursday that didn’t even amount to anything. But that’s okay, because wherever Trump has gone, and whatever he’s doing that’s causing him to pop up in public and say “God blesh the United Shesh” before disappearing again, those around him are filling the gaps with their own madness. Donald Trump Jr incredibly tried to invoke attorney-client privilege between himself and his father, and then went home and posted a photo of himself with a pink headband in his hair. No, really. This kind of thing is really happening.

This week is so far off the charts that most of us have already forgotten the part where Paul Manafort got out on bail and immediately started conspiring with the Russians again. Yes, that was earlier this week. It seems like six months ago. This week is out of control, and it’s still only Friday. What the hell is even happening anymore?