Donald Trump wants his inauguration to have “soft sensuality.” Internet erupts with porn jokes.

| 2:51 pm EST January 10, 2017
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What do you do if nearly every famous performer out there has turned you down, and your inauguration is set to be such a barren embarrassment that it’ll more closely resemble a blue light special at K-mart that no one showed up for? You start trying to make it sound like you wanted it to be that way all along. That’s why Donald Trump and his team are now trying to spin the inauguration as having a “soft sensuality.” But they apparently don’t realize they’ve just made it sound like a porn flick from the seventies.

This story is, stunningly, real. Here’s CBS News with a headline about “soft sensuality” today. Those are the words chosen by Trump inauguration organizer Tom Barrack, whom we’re pretty sure Trump only chose because his name is sort of a nose-thumbing at Barack Obama. This guy Barrack, if that’s his real name, also says he wants a “poetic cadence.” Because when America thinks of the loud, angry, snarling, potty mouthed, sniffling Trump, we all think of poetry. But it gets worse.

In the moments since the “Soft Sensuality” inauguration was announced, it’s immediately become a trending topic on Twitter, with the entire nation chiming into make fun of Trump for it. “Please join me in vomiting and screaming myself to death,” tweeted Patton Oswalt. Another user asked “what does ‘soft sensuality’ mean, exactly, to a sexual predator?” And so many people tweeted jokes about how it sounded like a porn flick that, well, take your pick.

It’s also been pointed out by various Twitter users that Team Trump was merely trying to distract from the poorly-going confirmation hearings for Trump’s racist Attorney General pick Jeff Sessions.