No, Donald Trump, these new texts are not “bombshells” you idiot

| 1:23 pm EST February 7, 2018
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Someone please give Donald Trump a calendar so he can look up the dates of these things, or a remote control so he can stop watching the fiction on Fox News, or a hobby so he can stop tweeting so much embarrassing nonsense, or a free one-way ticket to an imaginary country so he’ll never come back to the White House. Enough of this crap. This morning Trump abruptly tweeted “NEW FBI TEXTS ARE BOMBSHELLS!” No, they’re not.

In the imaginary world of Trump and Fox, newly released text messages between two FBI agents prove that President Obama was secretly masterminding the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails in order to get her off the hook. Wrong. Even Fox is admitting that the date of the text messages was September 2nd, 2016. It was there on the screen the whole time. Two months before that, in July of 2016, the FBI Director publicly announced that Hillary had been fully cleared. So whatever these text messages were really about, they definitely weren’t about somehow getting Hillary off the hook for her emails.

For that matter, these text messages – the most supposedly damning of which reads “potus wants to know everything we’re doing” – are probably nothing at all. The last time an out of context text message surfaced from these two agents, it was about a “secret society” within the FBI. Once the full context was released, it became obvious that it was part of a joke about a Vladimir Putin calendar. These text messages between these two agents keep turning out to be the textbook definition of a nothingburger.

Meanwhile, back in his imaginary world, Donald Trump is clinging to hope that this non-story is somehow going to magically get him off the hook for having committed treason against the United States by conspiring with a foreign enemy to rig the election in his favor. He’s that desperate. He’s grasping at straws that aren’t even straws.