This is weird even for Matt Gaetz

| 2:00 pm EDT August 23, 2021
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And now an update in our continuing story “The screwed up life of Matt Gaetz.” Gaetz has had a heck of a year, and most of it has not been great. But now, something new has happened, and the Venmo fan surprised us with it. Matt Gaetz has gotten married. Sigh. The poor woman.

Gaetz has married a lovely lady by the name of Ginger Luckey. She is now Ginger Luckey Gaetz. I do believe we ARE in a simulation. So, this wedding took place in the beautiful state of California.

It was a small shindig. The bride wore white. The groom wore a smirk. His hair stood firmly at attention, somehow looking even more lofty than usual. This event took place on Catalina Island. Reportedly Nestor was present.

Reportedly no Venmo girls were there, nor was the bride’s sister, who has said publicly what a lousy guy her sister is marrying. Just your average everyday wedding, folks.

Reportedly Gaetz married Ginger after an America last appearance with Marjorie Taylor Greene. Reports also indicate Gaetz declared his admiration for the former guy. It sounds like a real party! (Sarcasm.)

If Gaetz is hoping his glowing new bride cannot now testify against him, he is wrong. Spousal privilege does not apply to events BEFORE the marriage.

The happy couple was supposed to get married next year. But they decided to elope instead.

“I love my wife!” the wild-haired Congressman proudly shrieked on Twitter.

Well — what to say about this extraordinary event? I wish them well? I hope they find happiness together? I hope a hairbrush for Gaetz was one of the wedding gifts? What to SAY?!

There is not too much to say. I do wonder what the wedding song was, though.

“A touch of evil” by Judas Priest?

“Help” by the Beatles?

“I fell in love with the devil?” by Avril Lavigne?

No matter. I am sure the love-drenched twosome found the song that was right for them. Congratulations Mattie! But you’re still going to be indicted.