Something is up with Matt Gaetz

| 7:00 pm EDT August 4, 2021
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Something’s up with Matt Gaetz. And that “something” is most definitely not his intelligence level. The Congressman from hell has posted a new tweet. Here’s what it says: “ALL will be revealed and exposed. DROPPING THURSDAY. Hear my side of the story for the First time.” Uh oh.

Gaetz cannot seem to shut his mouth for a MINUTE. I wish he would. That moronic smile he possesses with his gleaming choppers on full display makes me think of serial killers.

Here is my response:

“Dear insurrectionist:

Nobody cares what you have to say except you and perhaps the FBI.

I am deeply concerned, Mr. Gaetz. Not about the FBI investigation. I trust them, unlike you. No, it’s your hair I am referring to.

I am deeply concerned about your hair. It is starting to resemble the “pie” in Stephen King’s book, “Thinner.” Like that mythical pie, your hair sort of pulses, infused with a life all its own.

Please get a better hairstyle. You want to look as peachy as possible during your court trial, which I dearly believe WILL happen.

Otherwise, try to go an hour without paying homage to yourself. Vanity and hubris are sins, and you have both. Whatever you plan on saying on your horrible podcast, I will not be listening.

Signed,
Too many people to count.”