Tucker Carlson has gotten the job offer we all knew he’d get

A new day had dawned. And what a rosy day it was! For millions of people, the sun was a little brighter, the air a bit cleaner. This is because the worst cable news pundit in the country had just been fired. And a celebration was in order.

Tweets of people dancing with unrestrained joy made their way to Twitter. Many were bubbling over with joy. It was a lot like the day President Biden won the presidential election. People were thrilled. And there was much talk. What would Tucker do next? Would he face obscurity? Would he sue Fox? Would he turn into a cockroach? These were the questions people wanted answers to.

And we did get ONE answer. Tucker received a job offer! Wow. That didn’t take long. Perhaps Tucker had a future in politics after all. Perhaps he had a chance to start anew, to reap the rewards of recognition. To start afresh with a new network and begin a new chapter in his wretched life.

So who was it who made this delicious job offer? Who was it who wanted Tucker so strongly they couldn’t even wait a week?

It was Russia state TV. No, really. Never let it be said that Russia doesn’t take care of its own. And now it would appear they want to take care of Carlson — in the form of a new show starring the latest Kremlin darling.

RT is formerly known as “Russia Today.” They’re Russian state TV, and here is what they tweeted — with love: “Hey @TuckerCarlson, you can always question more with @RT_com.”

How lovely for the little darling Tucker! The Kremlin is calling him. Should he heed the call, do you think?

It is what he is made for — babbling conspiracy theories, lying a lot, and hating on America. It’s pure Russian propaganda, sent to Tucker in the form of a loving tweet, commiserating with him, empathizing with him, reassuring Tuckems that there would ALWAYS be a home for him in the Kremlin. From Russia with love – for Tucker. Always for Tucker.

My thoughts? Go Tucker! Go to the Kremlin. It’s where you belong; it is your soulmate. Jump on a plane and fly to your heart’s desire, your REAL best friend, the one whose noxious words you’ve been parroting for so long. They love you, Tucker. They’re one of the only ones who do. So fly away to your loving overlord. And Tucker? You should think about never coming back.