The true meaning of Christmas, Republican style

As we stand unjustly accused of encouraging and fomenting an insurrection against Christmas by the Republican Party, I would like to take this moment on Christmas Day to set the record straight. It isn’t true. We have no quarrel with Christmas. We are not opposed to festive dress and Yuletide decor, we are in fact disposed favorably to the day, and we have the record to prove it. We find no fault with the words “merry Christmas” and still utter those words every chance we get.

I can’t speak for everyone but for me Christmas is my favourite time of year. I love the chilly and occasionally snowy weather, the improved humanity and spirit of kindness that so often pervades the season. My wife feels the same. That is why we got married on Christmas Eve, and last night celebrated our 18th anniversary together.

I’m dismayed but not surprised that Republicans have tried to deface and turn this sacred season into a political battleground, as they do with virtually everything else. But there is not one shred of truth to their claim, nor is there one shred of evidence to support their contention that Christmas went out with the arrival of the Obama administration.

There are literally dozens of clips of President Obama wishing Americans a merry Christmas while celebrating it himself unreservedly over the years, and President Biden has continued that same tradition. This repulsive claim of the GOP’s that we are somehow anti-Christmas is a tangible and easily disprovable lie.

But since they brought Christmas into it, let’s see how Republicans fair in a just and frank examination of how well they live up to the true meaning of Christmas. As most Republicans are religious, or claim to be, they know perfectly well that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of a man who was economically poor. I would therefore expect Republicans to be true friends of the poor. I would expect to find that the poor are among their favourite people.

As this is a celebration of the birth of a person who valued charity and kindness, who believed that the poor, the widow, the orphan, the physically handicapped, the downtrodden and the voiceless should be cared for and empowered, I would expect Republicans to be friends of those sorts of people as well. I would expect them to be in favor of legislation that would help such people — help them first and above everyone else.

As this is a celebration of the birth of a person who found wealth to be decidedly overrated and the wealthy to be spiritually lacking, I would expect Republicans would do everything in their power to avoid bestowing even more advantages on the rich. After all, the rich are a class of people who already enjoy far too many advantages to begin with.

In the spirit of Christmas I would expect Republicans to find someone like, say, Donald Trump repugnant. I would expect them to find him to be the squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner that he is.

Instead they seem to have visions of sugar Trumps dancing in their heads. Instead they love him and love his money and his cruelty and his infidelity. They love his hatreds and his intolerance and his vindictiveness and his raping, stealing, lying, cheating, traitorous ways. They want to be just like him. They also hate the poor and the downtrodden and the voiceless and they love the rich and the powerful, and it shows in their legislation.

I submit therefore, brothers and sisters, that there really is a war on the spirit of Christmas, and Republicans are the authors and finishers of that war. Republicans are the ones who are truly trying to overthrow the spirit of Christmas. They are the ones who hate what Christmas stands for, not us.

Republicans are all about the interests of business. We, on the other hand, believe that mankind is our business. The common welfare is our business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, are all our business. Our dealings of our trade are but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of our business!

In short, Republicans are very much in need of a visit by three spirits for the purpose of a major attitude overhaul. Their claim that we are at war with Christmas is perversely untrue, and they are in fact the Scrooges who truly revile and despise Christmas. Republicans hate Christmas, and they are truly the ones who are at war with Christmas and all that it stands for. And, as ever, ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, comrades and friends, stay safe — and above all have a very merry Christmas and a happy new year!