The Democratic Party’s mythical bag of tricks

| 6:00 pm EST December 30, 2021
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I’d like to talk to you about the bag of tricks. The bag of tricks is the property of the Democratic party. It awaits us all, this glimmering bag, awash in sparkling ideas and bedazzling schemes.

This bag has so many dimensions to it. Its brightness is begging and pleading with us to open it up, but we refuse to listen. What exactly is this bag of tricks? The answer is — I have no idea. I bet you don’t either.

See, this mysterious and magical bag is being described in numerous articles by numerous pundits as the last great hope of the Democrats. But — gasp — Democrats refuse to save themselves by utilizing said bag.

Therefore, all is forlornly lost. Get where I’m going with this? “Democrats must save themselves!!” All over, I hear this. Such nonsense — we’re doing just fine. But still, the pundits carry on, insisting we are not utilizing our bag of tricks, just waiting to be opened. Only they never say what’s inside the bag.

I researched before I wrote this, my friends. I read — I’m not sure how many, but quite a few of these doomsday articles. These articles all have one thing in common. They insist Democrats are either too nice or are stupid. They say we are this way because we are not utilizing all our strategies.

Only none of these “pundits” ever explains what the strategies are.

Should we perhaps try to ban people from red states from voting? Perhaps President Biden should just appoint five new Justices and declare he’s Emperor.

Maybe we should throw Joe Manchin out of the party, thus giving control to the GOP — At least that would be doing something!

Sorry but this is what I call manufactured bullshit and fake news at its finest. We, the Democratic party, are good people. We play by the rules, yes, but we play hard. Until one of these pundits actually comes up with something that we should have done and are not doing, I refuse to take their lamentations at all seriously.

I would say forget about the non-existent bag of tricks and let’s concentrate on what we already have opened. That includes running great candidates, passing good legislation, and keeping the House and Senate.