Donald Trump goes berserk and runs for the hills as his impeachment trial begins

| 9:09 am EST January 21, 2020
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Donald Trump’s impeachment trial is officially beginning, so naturally, he’s running off to the other side of the world. No, he’s not fleeing to Moscow to try to avoid prosecution; that might come later. For now, Trump is running off to a conference of billionaires in Davos, where he’s going to do what he’s done there every year since illegitimately taking office: he’s going to try to get attendees to line his own personal pockets.

The thing is, Trump doesn’t seem to have much grasp of what the party line is supposed to be for his Davos visit. For that matter, Trump doesn’t appear to know that Earth is the only known planet with life on it. That’s the best we’ve been able to parse what Trump tweeted last night, when he decided that the entire universe is now involved in his hyperbolic bragging:

Heading to Davos, Switzerland, to meet with World and Business Leaders and bring Good Policy and additional Hundreds of Billions of Dollars back to the United States of America! We are now NUMBER ONE in the Universe, by FAR!!

That’s right, Donald Trump is now certain that “we” (the United States? his Republican Party? his motherland of Russia?) are now number one in the entire universe. Wait, are there nations that we’re now competing with on Mars, or Alpha Centauri? Is Vulcan now involved? Trump is so desperate to brag about his imaginary accomplishments, everything he says turns into an instant punchline. Meanwhile back in the real world, poll numbers in favor of Trump’s ouster are indeed the highest in the universe.