Listless Donald Trump sounds half dead while delivering Oval Office address that raises more questions than answers

| 9:12 pm EDT March 11, 2020
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Facing a coronavirus pandemic, Donald Trump decided to address the nation this evening from the Oval Office. The trouble is, he clearly has no idea what to do next. Worse, during his address, he sounded like he was – in all seriousness – suffering some kind of serious health problem of his own.

From the start of his address, Donald Trump sounded listless. Within the first minute or two, he appeared to be at least mildly out of breath. He quickly began misreading the teleprompter, saying “counting” when he meant “continuing” and then trying to catch himself.

On a more substantive level, Trump announced that he’s suspending all travel from Europe to the United States for the next thirty days (except the UK), he’s waiving all copayments for coronavirus treatment, and he’s ordering the Small Business Administration to offer short term low interest loans (we fear he’ll divvy out these loans in corrupt fashion). Trump also called for payroll tax cuts, which make zero sense from a pandemic or economic standpoint.

This all seems like a rather simplistic strategy. But at least Donald Trump is no longer calling it a hoax, or telling people to go to work even if they’re infected. Trump also said he’ll soon roll out a plan to help people financially who can’t show up to work, but he didn’t go into detail. But the bottom line is that Trump sounds like he’s very physically unwell. He needs to resign now, before this gets worse.