We found Donald Trump’s henchman Matthew Calamari, and he’s a complete idiot

| 10:30 am EST February 28, 2019
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Michael Cohen’s testimony yesterday had already provided some of the more surreal moments in American political history, when late in the day Cohen revealed that the key to exposing Donald Trump’s financial fraud may be someone named “Matthew Calamari.” Wait, was that even a real person? Was this the world’s worst alias? As it turns out, Calamari is very real – and he’s a complete idiot. No, really.

It turns out Matthew Calamari is the Chief Operating Officer of the Trump Organization. Before that he was a Trump bodyguard. And before that he was apparently just a guy who ran around yelling at people. Jake Tapper managed to dig up this remarkable tidbit published in the New York Times in 2016: “Matthew Calamari, the organization’s chief operating officer, was recruited in 1981 after Mr. Trump saw him eject some hecklers while working security at the United States Open tennis tournament.” It gets worse.

Josh Billinson of IJR dug up the fact that Matthew Calamari once popped up on The Apprentice. He was supposed to give Donald Trump advice on which candidate to fire. But Calamari couldn’t even put a sentence together:
https://twitter.com/jbillinson/status/1100900733958934528

That’s right, the key to taking down Donald Trump now apparently involves going talking to a guy with a fake-sounding name who likes chasing hecklers and is essentially a dumber version of Michael Cohen with a mustache. Rest assured, House Democrats will be hauling in Matthew Calamari – or whatever his real name is – promptly. And of course federal prosecutors are probably all over him already.