Donald Trump’s lawyers have their hands full

| 10:30 am EDT September 19, 2020
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Donald Trump’s lawyers are busy these days. While one team of Trump lawyers are working tirelessly in the Supreme Court to deny millions of Americans healthcare during a global pandemic, another team of Trump lawyers are trying to prevent E. Jean Carroll from getting Trump’s DNA in order to stop her from proving that Trump raped her.

Meanwhile another team of Trump lawyers are saying Trump “denies in the strongest possible terms” having sexually assaulted model Amy Dorris. Dorris recently alleged that Trump assaulted her outside the bathroom in Trump’s VIP box at the US Open tennis tournament in New York on 5 September, 1997. Like I said. Trump’s lawyers are busy.

Meanwhile, Olivia Troye, a former senior official on the White House coronavirus task force, recently said Trump called his own supporters “disgusting people” with whom he no longer had to shake hands thanks to the pandemic. “Maybe this COVID thing is a good thing. I don’t like shaking hands with people, I don’t have to shake hands with these disgusting people,” Troy quoted Trump as saying. “Those ‘disgusting people’ are the same people that he claims to care about,” Troye added.

Meanwhile, having noticed that Joe Biden is gaining ground among Puerto Rican Florida voters, Trump just offered Puerto Rico an enormous multi-billion dollar bribe, excuse me, I meant “aid package.” This comes a whopping three years after the island was devastated by hurricane Maria. Trump, who is president of the United States last time I checked, blames the Democrats for the three year delay. When Maria hit, not only was Trump president, he had a Republican majority in the House and Senate, too.

Meanwhile, after calling American heroes who died in wars defending their country “losers” and “suckers,” Trump continues to ignore Vladimir Putin’s bounty on the heads of US soldiers in Afghanistan.

Meanwhile, as immigrant children separated from their parents are still being held in concentration camps across America, their mothers are undergoing forced hysterectomies in order to prevent them from having more.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump continues to repudiate the need of Americans to wear masks. Despite the death of his friend and supporter Herman Cain, who contracted a lethal case of coronavirus at Trump’s Tulsa rally, Trump continues to conduct Nuremberg-style rallies. Participants at these rallies are encouraged to cram together indoors. Few wear masks. None are required to.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump has announced that a coronavirus vaccine is “essentially ready.” A rollout of the vaccine will begin in October, Trump says. No such vaccine exists, of course. If a vaccine is possible, it won’t be ready, “essentially” or otherwise, for at least a year, probably more, possibly never. Trump is lying to the American people so they will vote for him in November. Many of his supporters are dumb enough to believe him.

Meanwhile, as 203,171 Americans lie dead from coronavirus as I write this, Trump continues to crow about how many lives he “saved” by placing a limited travel restriction on China. Back in January.

Meanwhile, Trump hate-tweets, watches television, golfs and does anything except work to alleviate the suffering caused by a disease that is claiming a thousand American lives a day.

And so on. I know, it’s hard to believe that a guy who would steal from a children’s cancer charity, cheat on his pregnant wife with a porn star, devastate dozens of venerable family businesses by refusing to pay them for expensive work, mock a disabled reporter, refer to a torchlight parade of Nazi zealots as “very fine people” and call Black Lives Matter “hate speech,” would ever do such terrible things as I have enumerated above. Hard to believe, huh?

But who knows, maybe a guy who thinks this whole “COVID thing” isn’t so bad after all because it means he doesn’t have to shake hands with “disgusting people,” is also capable of saying and doing other evil things. Who knows? There are a million reasons why Donald Trump is unfit to be president of the United States, this has been just a tiny fraction of them. And, as ever, ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, comrades and friends, stay safe.