Kevin McCarthy’s bathroom meltdown

| 7:48 pm EDT June 12, 2023
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Did you know, readers that bathroom doors lock I ask you this question because this is apparently Kevin McCarthy‘s defense of Donald Trump stealing documents. I understand well the feeling that we all might be living in a simulation.

And that’s certainly how I felt upon hearing the news that the House Speaker is defending, to reporters, Donald Trump by saying he stored the documents in the John and that the John has a lock on it.

Now we must not snicker! Let’s take this declaration of innocence in stride, and give it the attention due it Donald Trump stored some documents in the John, and the John has a lock. So what is that supposed to mean, I ask.

Does that mean that Kevin thinks Trump has a special key, a key that one might find on a treasure Hunt, a key that only Trump can use , that he keeps with him always? And does this intoxicating little key hold the answer to how to open the door of the John?

And may we presume that the door to this John is ALWAYS locked when Trump is not in it? Do we know this for a fact? And may we, dear fellow detectives, assume that nobody else ever uses this John? That this John is for Trump’s eyes only, this beautiful and primitive John?

And even if Trump took the documents, he was only taking them to rest in the John, Kevin says. I do suppose, after all, that toilet- tops and showers are such safe places to hide nuclear secrets nobody would ever think to look there!

James Bond could come in, and search the house, and would never ever find these elusive documents cradled in the arms of Trump’s golden John. And is it possible, I ask, to have a House Speaker more moronic, more incompetent, or more ridiculous? This is a question I can answer, and I believe the answer is no.

Dear Palmer Report readers, we all understand the difficult era we're heading into. Major media outlets are caving to Trump already. Even the internet itself and publishing platforms may be at risk. But Palmer Report is nonetheless going to lead the fight. We're funding our 2025 operating expenses now, so we can keep publishing no matter what happens. I'm asking you to contribute if you can, because the stakes are just so high. You can donate here.