Jim Jordan can’t lie his way out of this one

| 6:00 pm EST January 10, 2023
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Desperation has set in for Gym Jordan of the state of Ohio. Jordan (pathological liar, insurrection party, Ohio) appeared on Fox news. Beaming a smile that positively screamed, ‘I’m a bullshit artist,’ Jordan proceeded to lie his head off (or, as George Santos would likely say, “embellish.”

Jordan argued on Fox that all the fighting, the sniping, the arguing, the toxicity, the crazy between Republicans last week — was a GOOD thing. Why? Because it is exactly what our founding fathers intended. Hello, insanity.

“Sometimes Democracy is messy,” Jordan exclaimed, fake elation in his voice. “But I would argue that’s how the Founders intended it.” He’s really gone around the bend this time, hasn’t he, folks?

Jordan also attempted to push the myth that Kevin McCarthy is really quite popular. “I mean Shannon,” Jordan said, referring to Host Shannon Bream. “You just heard from the report that Kevin McCarthy got the same number of votes as Nancy Pelosi last time!” Jordan exclaimed delusionally.

Jordan prattled on and on, trying to convince the world that the GOP had a normal week of family arguing and that they really are the Brady Bunch. Only nobody was buying it. On Twitter people howled with laughter. The thing about Jordan is — he is such a bad liar. Actually, he’s awful. If the GOP wants to do the “we’re really just one big happy family” thing, they need a different messenger than Jordan because Gym Jordan can’t lie his way out of a paper bag.

We all remember his long stammering fit when asked if he spoke to Trump on the day of the insurrection. And what is this about the founding fathers? Yeah, I am sure they all sat around all those years ago solemnly, saying things like, “Someday, many years from now, there will be a bunch of morons who will not be able to pick a speaker, and they will descend into a bunch of screaming hyenas, complete with temper tantrums, lunges and hysteria. This is what we intend.”

Gym Jordan is just terrible at this. He really should do something else — like wonder when George Clooney’s film is coming out. That information would surely make him babble.