House Republicans reduced to begging

| 6:00 pm EDT April 16, 2024
Dear Palmer Report readers, we all understand the difficult era we're heading into. Major media outlets are caving to Trump already. Even the internet itself and publishing platforms may be at risk. But Palmer Report is nonetheless going to lead the fight. We're funding our 2025 operating expenses now, so we can keep publishing no matter what happens. I'm asking you to contribute if you can, because the stakes are just so high. You can donate here.

As Donald Trump’s first of MANY criminal trials get underway, Republicans are doing everything they can to “sway his legal proceedings.” What they’re doing is essential for the following: PLEASE, American people, PLEASE. We know he’s a scumbag (we can’t say it of course), but PLEASE PLEASE love him! Look past his stupidity, evilness, and criminality.

Pleeaseeee vote for him. We’ve lost every single election since Roe fell because we’re assholes who hate women. But everything is different today! No, not that. We still hate women. However, we NEED women too. Of course, we can’t say that.

But please allow us to lie to you for just a little bit longer! If you don’t vote for us, it’ll be another humiliation! Of course, we can’t say that. Give! Donate! Pretend you like the orange moron. We do! We are ALWAYS pretending! Our lives are one big Pandora’s box of pretend!

Yeah, that’s basically how they’re doing it. Byron Donalds of Florida took it to a whole other level. “My plea,” he thundered melodramatically, “Is to the people of Manhattan.”

“That may sit on this trial.”

“Please do the right thing for this country,” Donalds bellowed hysterically, on Newsmax. “This is a trash case,” Donalds said eloquently. “This is a trash case, there is no crime here and if there is any potential for a verdict, they should vote not guilty.”

A poor performance. There is a bit too much overacting, and “trash case” is entirely not how I’d describe this proceeding. “Trash defendant” on the other hand….

Then there’s Ohio Senator and dolphin aficionado J.D. Vance. The Ohio Senator who has, in the past, referred to Trump as “America’s Hitler” is doing some performing of his own, furiously blaming all of Trump’s crimes on a justice system that won’t let him get away with said crimes.

Way to make the people love you! Is this REALLY the position you want to take, GOP? After all, the American people aren’t dumb as much as you waste your time hoping they are.

Dear Palmer Report readers, we all understand the difficult era we're heading into. Major media outlets are caving to Trump already. Even the internet itself and publishing platforms may be at risk. But Palmer Report is nonetheless going to lead the fight. We're funding our 2025 operating expenses now, so we can keep publishing no matter what happens. I'm asking you to contribute if you can, because the stakes are just so high. You can donate here.