He’s … baaaaack …

Just when you thought it was safe to return to the floor of Congress again … . Well, no, I suppose it’s not safe. You’re always going to encounter all kinds of weird things there. But did you ever, in your wildest dreams, expect that one of those weird things would be disgraced former congressman and permanent psychopath George Santos? Well he was back, and attending Joe Biden’s triumphant State of the Union speech on Thursday.

How in the hell is that possible? Well, among the many things both bizarre and repellant about the United States Congress is that you can be expelled but you don’t automatically lose your floor privileges. And Santos, a man who has to run to the dictionary every time he hears the word “shame,” still has congressional floor privileges. And he used those floor privileges to do something no sane person in his position would ever do. He showed his face there. Again.

But wait, there’s more, it gets weirder. Instead of using the occasion to sit politely and listen to the President’s speech, that same idiot Santos went on Twitter (what another idiot rechristened “X”) and announced his candidacy for political office. Which political office, you ask? Congress, of course! This time in New York’s first congressional district, Nick LaLota’ seat comprising another wealthy district of Long Island.

Despite the fact that Santos is currently facing federal criminal charges, including one count of conspiracy to commit offences against the United States, two counts of wire fraud, two counts of making materially false statements to the Federal Election Commission (FEC), two counts of falsifying records submitted to obstruct the FEC, two counts of aggravated identity theft, one count of access device fraud, seven counts of wire fraud, three counts of money laundering, one count of theft of public funds and two counts of making materially false statements to the United States House of Representatives, he’s decided to run again, relocating from New York’s third district to the third.

In my recitation of his numerous criminal counts above I believe that makes 22 criminal counts for George Santos. So Santos isn’t quite in Donald Trump’s league in terms of criminal counts, but a man can dream, can’t he? There is, after all, rapidly coming the day when a Republican will be best known by the criminal charges he keeps.

Anyway, Santos wrote on X during the President’s speech that he was looking to face off against his former colleague, Representative Nick LaLota. “Tonight, I want to announce that I will be returning to the arena of politics, and challenging Nick for the battle over #NY1” Santos wrote. “I look forward to debating him on the issues and on his weak record as a Republican. The fight for our majority is imperative for the survival of the country.”

Remember, Nick LaLota did something that old George simply cannot abide. He told the truth. Specifically, he once called Santos “a sociopath” and attention seeker. He was also one of the first Republicans to call for a full House Ethics Committee investigation into the false claims made by Santos. So vengeance is clearly a dish Santos wants to serve hot.

Unfortunately for George, his chances are worse than a snow cone in the infernal regions. Santos is that rare thing, a Republican so vile that most Republicans hate him. Not even Donald Trump has reached that point yet. So he does have at least one superlative to his name.

But is it enough to win back his seat? Almost certainly not. But in these odd times, illustrated, seemingly, by Hieronymus Bosch, I suppose anything’s possible. And, as ever, ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, comrades and friends, stay safe.