Gym Jordan is angry

| 10:00 pm EST February 11, 2023
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Gym Jordan is fighting mad. Gym Jordan is angry. Gym Jordan is concerned. Gym Jordan is deeply worried about our country. And Gym Jordan is talking about his hopes and fears — and making an utter fool of himself as usual.

Gym was speaking on a podcast about what’s REALLY wrong with America. And in Dim Gym’s humble opinion, what’s wrong is — the children. How lovely that Gym is worried about our little ones! Perhaps he is worried about so many growing up in poverty. Maybe it’s the banning of books for our youngsters that has Gym so mouthy.

Or maybe it’s guns. Maybe Gym has finally come around and wants our children to be safer. No, no, and no. All those guesses were wrong. But we should have known, right? Gym is seething because, in his tiny-brained opinion, children are not beating each other up enough.

Now, this is no fake news. Dim Gym said it. And although listening to his ear-splintering voice wasn’t first on my list of end-of-the-week pleasures, he did say this, and he said it loudly. Jordan was answering a question. When did he decide to become a conservative? Competitive sports Gym answered promptly. But then Jordan seemed to lose himself in fights gone by.

He talked of longing for the good old days when children beat the ever-loving crap out of each other, and times were angrier.

“No one gets in a fight in school anymore,” Gym whined. “You don’t have enough kids playing football or wrestling.” “I think,” the fight club PR rep continued, “I think that’s a problem.” Let us take a moment to marvel that someone as dim-witted as Gym Jordan was actually born.

“Yeah, that’s the problem with the world. Not enough violence,” one Twitter user said with sarcasm. I suppose we should all be glad that Gym is not a teacher or — gasp — a social worker.

And Gym has some funny ideas. Bullies and fighters are not cool or tough; they’re deeply troubled. And bullying is most definitely not something to covet. I suppose, though, that’s what sets our Gym apart from so many others — he’s insane.

And Gym should really not be bringing up wrestling and gyms with what we KNOW is coming down the pike from George Clooney. I wish I had a release date for that film, but at the time of this writing, I was not able to find one.

So now we can add child fight clubs to the list of Gym Jordan’s America. I will be very happy once this guy is out of congress.