Gym Jordan

| 10:00 pm EDT August 5, 2023
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This article is about a screaming hyena by the name of Gym Jordan. Gym of the baby blue shirts, arrogant sneer, and ear-splitting voice is one of the most unappealing humans I’ve ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on.

As you know, I am quite passionate about Greek Mythology. Greek Mythology will not figure into this article except in one way. I have a few people in mind were I to cast politicians in a film on the subject. Jack Smith, of course, would be Zeus, the authoritative leader and God of the sky.

But Gym gets a part too. Oh, yes, he would have a staring role. Gym would be Hades — the leader of the underworld — hell. A fitting choice, I think! Also, Hades, contrary to popular belief, was not actually a God. Gym, who has done virtually nothing of any consequence this year (or ever), is having a bit of a breakdown.

On Fox non-news on Thursday, Hades made an appearance. And he proceeded to lose his mind. He was defending Donald Trump, of course. Do the Republicans do ANYTHING these days BUT defend Donald Trump?

And Gym said the American people are very angry about the attacks on Trump. And he said, and I quote: “Hillbillies in Ohio are sick of the ridiculous attacks” on Trump.” Hillbillies in Ohio? Calling JD Vance — Gym Jordan just basically just insulted your whole state. Do you care?
Probably not.

Jordan also insisted that Trump is going to get MORE support because of the incitements. Of course, that makes no sense. Because if that was REALLY true, why in hell would Gym be so angry in the first place? Were that statement true, Gym would really need to say something like this: “The American people love him since the incident. His approval ratings are now in the eighties.”

As well, you know, THAT will never happen. But I suppose Gym is outraged on behalf of all the midwestern hillbillies. Another little note. Gym somehow managed to then include Iowa and Oklahoma, in his word salad. That’s right. He called THEM hillbillies too.

“I think people in fly-over country, hillbillies in Ohio or Iowa or Oklahoma, they’re so sick of it.” OK, Genius. You forgot to mention in your sad little rant that Iowa and Oklahoma are also deep red states which Democrats won’t win anyway. What’s the MATTER with your Gym? This is a bit much, even from you.