Donald Trump just became “Florida Man”

| 12:45 am EDT November 1, 2019
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Just when you think Donald Trump’s endgame moves can’t get any weirder, he responded to the news of the House impeachment inquiry vote by announcing that he was changing his state residency from New York to Florida. No really, this somehow happened. Trump learned that he might be forced into early retirement, and so he moved to the nation’s retirement capital. This couldn’t be much more on-the-nose. But there’s more going on here.

Last week Donald Trump put his only truly profitable property, his DC hotel, up for sale. Now he’s humiliating himself by changing his state residency to save a bit of money on state income tax. Trump is clearly out of money, to the point that he’s making financial panic moves in rapid fashion.

What happened? Why is Donald Trump, who has spent his entire life deeply in debt and one step ahead of total financial ruin, suddenly now going completely broke overnight? There’s more going on here, without a doubt. It’ll all start to come out soon enough, of course.

But really, the jokes just write themselves: Florida man, subject of FBI investigation, currently being targeted by grand jury in New York, history of associating with convicted felons, suspected of being illiterate, prone to incoherent rambling. Also goes by the names John Barron, John Miller, and David Dennison.