Fate just spit on Matt Gaetz

| 10:30 pm EST December 18, 2024
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Sincerely,
Bill Palmer
Palmer Report

As Bill Palmer told you, the House Ethics committee has voted to release its report on a certain high-haired FORMER congressman. How utterly delightful. It is like an early Christmas present.

I have a bit to say about all this. First off, I imagine Gaetz’s hair stood on end even more than usual when he got THIS news. I imagine it stood so high it might’ve been able to touch Skyscrapers. This isn’t welcoming news for the trouble-making bad boy.

But what I find SO utterly hysterical are two things. Number One: This report will be out in the next few days, which means several sleepless nights for Gaetz. What will it say, he might wonder as he tosses and turns and perhaps makes frantic calls to his cult leader, Donald Trump, who is so senile he may have just forgotten WHO Gaetz actually is.

So yes, Gaetz waits—and that is such wonderful news. This report is a smoking gun, and Matt Gaetz is now sweating bullets. Of course, now he won’t be able to run for Florida governor, a prize Gaetz was rumored to have coveted. Florida, contrary to what MANY think, is not just home by the sea to Republicans—it has many a DEMOCRAT, including many of my own friends and family members. So Gaetz winning in the sunshine state as Governor would’ve been hard enough—but now?

Who KNOWS what this report will say. But virtually everyone is saying one thing — it’ll be bad. Very bad. The second thing that I find hysterical is that Gaetz is now playing True Confessions. True Confessions is a rampant party game, but the only party Gaetz seems to be having is a pity party.

Yes, I’ve smoked! Yes, I’ve drank! Yes, I’ve bedded many a woman! Matt Gaetz is admitting all of this on Twitter, basically doing what panicky people do when they find they’re cornered rats—he’s talking too much.

Saying he is “embarrassed” Gaetz promptly started waxing poetic about his wild past and all the naughty things he did. His defense? He was in his thirties. Wow, that is a new one if I have ever heard one. So all someone accused of gross things has to do is say, “But I was in my THIRTIES!”

Oh, how Kevin McCarthy must be chortling now! McCarthy, who has played the role of Evil clown in recent months, has been seen arguing about what an awful person Gaetz is. I imagine today the sun is shining as brightly on Kevin as it’s raining on Matt Gaetz.

So, what is in this report? Who knows? Gaetz is still denying the accusations about underage girls, but now, at least, we will find out. So will Gaetz as he waits miserably for the world to hear about ALL his sins.

Dear Palmer Report readers, we all understand what a dark era we're heading into. Major media outlets are caving to Trump already. Even the internet itself and publishing platforms may be at risk. Advertising networks can't be counted on. But Palmer Report is nonetheless going to lead the fight, because someone has to.

In that regard we're funding our 2025 operating expenses now, so we can keep publishing no matter what happens. We've launched a reader supported fund, and we've already raised $3760 and counting. I'm asking you to contribute if you can, because the stakes are just so high. You can contribute here. Thank you in advance.
Sincerely,
Bill Palmer
Palmer Report