Donald Trump’s “reinstatement” isn’t exactly going well for him

| 2:00 pm EDT August 13, 2021
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Seditious pillow hawker Mike Lindell promised everyone that Donald Trump would be “reinstated” as President of the United States on August 13th, which seemed odd, given that 1) that would be Friday the 13th, and 2) there was literally zero chance of this happening. But here we are, with the day having arrived, and let’s just say that it’s not going well for anyone involved.

Lindell, for his part, just finished hosting a poorly attended “symposium” which produced zero evidence that the 2020 election was rigged, and instead culminated with Lindell claiming that he’d just been assaulted by antifa – or was it flying monkeys? We’ve lost track.

Trump, for his part, is more irrelevant (and further removed from power) than ever. This week he released a three word statement through his latest spokesperson, which simply read “Bullies never fight!” No one knows what this means, least of all Trump himself.

At this point Donald Trump should probably just feel lucky that he’s not Matt Gaetz; while there’s still no clear timeframe for Trump’s inevitable indictment in New York, Gaetz is apparently looking at a very short countdown timer before the mountain of evidence coughed up by Joel Greenberg buries him. Of course Trump’s time will come as well. No one’s going to get reinstated, but a whole lot of people are going to get indicted.