Robert Mueller might die laughing

| 11:56 pm EDT May 8, 2018
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For the better part of the past year, the mainstream media has tried to convince us that Donald Trump is going to fire Special Counsel Robert Mueller any minute and somehow get away with it. That breathless media hype has turned out to have been baseless. But now Mueller may be facing a problem of a different kind. Based on the events of the past week in general, and the events of today in particular, Mueller might die laughing.

We’re speaking metaphorically, of course. We don’t think people actually die from excess laughter. We tried checking with a medical professional, but the only one available for comment was Doctor Bornstein. But in all seriousness, Robert Mueller’s job just got so much easier today in so many stunning ways. If you thought it was a big deal that Donald Trump’s new “attorney” Rudy Giuliani has publicly confessed that Trump committed several felonies, that’s old news. Forget it. We’re onto something much bigger and more blatant now.

We’re not even sure what to start with. In the course of the past twelve hours we’ve learned that 1) a Kremlin oligarch paid $500,000 to Michael Cohen shortly after Cohen paid off Stormy Daniels, 2) AT&T has admitted it paid $200,000 to Cohen in the hope of influencing Trump, and 3) the Senate Intel Committee has acknowledged that Russian hackers were indeed in position to rig the outcome of the election by deleting voter registration data, thus causing voters to be turned away.

So where does this leave Robert Mueller? Michael Cohen is now so monumentally screwed, it sharply increases the odds of him cutting a plea deal against Donald Trump. In addition, Mueller now has an evidence trail for how the Kremlin was funneling money to Trump through Cohen. And oh by the way, the Russians really did rig the election, meaning Trump didn’t really win. It’s that last part that may have the biggest impact on the court of public opinion, as there is no longer any doubt that Trump is an illegitimate “president.”