Dark Brandon rises

| 4:00 pm EDT April 30, 2023
Dear Palmer Report readers, we all understand the difficult era we're heading into. Major media outlets are caving to Trump already. Even the internet itself and publishing platforms may be at risk. But Palmer Report is nonetheless going to lead the fight. We're funding our 2025 operating expenses now, so we can keep publishing no matter what happens. I'm asking you to contribute if you can, because the stakes are just so high. You can donate here.

He showed up as if by fate. Perhaps he was always going to be there. This man of mystery, a true hero, standing there for all the world to view. He looked mighty. He rose up on that stage like some onyx statue. He looked as sleek as a jet plane — and he wore jet as well — jet-black.

And unlike heroes like Superman or Batman, this hero was real. He’d not been created by movie writers. He was tangible. Only this hero was inside, at the White House correspondent’s dinner, looking bold, edgy, and like no one to mess with.

It was Dark Brandon. It was President Joe Biden. Dark Brandon came to be, in a sense, because of Maga. They had attempted to insult our President with that hideous expression of Let’s go, Brandon.

Only we flipped it around! Dark Brandon is now a part of us. Dark Brandon, which has its roots in an awful nickname created by Maga, rose and told Maga to take a hike. And Dark Brandon memorabilia is being sold all over the place. It is even being sold on Biden’s website. Yeah. We turned it around alright. Take that, Maga.

And a new Brandon was created with the banishment of that silly name. So now here stood Dark Brandon looking mysterious. And like nobody to f### with. Besides Dark Brandon’s sizzling appearance, Biden was quite the comedian. And I have a confession. As good as Roy Wood Jr. was — I thought Biden was better.

His speech was filled with one zinger after another, and I’m sure there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. Laughter abounded.

“I want everyone to have fun tonight, but please be safe. If you find yourself disoriented, you’re either drunk…or Marjorie Taylor Greene.”

“The job isn’t finished. I mean, it is finished for Tucker Carlson.”

“I had a lot of Ron DeSantis jokes ready, but Mickey Mouse beat the hell out of me and got there first.”

“It’s great the cable news networks are here tonight. MSNBC owned by NBC Universal. Fox news owned by Dominion voting systems.”

Yeah, Biden was most definitely ON. Perhaps a comedy career is in his future (after he completes his second presidential term). But the best moment was the appearance of Dark Brandon – a real hero, a much-loved hero, and an authentic one.