Celebration Day

| 10:00 pm EDT June 2, 2023
Dear Palmer Report readers, we all understand the difficult era we're heading into. Major media outlets are caving to Trump already. Even the internet itself and publishing platforms may be at risk. But Palmer Report is nonetheless going to lead the fight. We're funding our 2025 operating expenses now, so we can keep publishing no matter what happens. I'm asking you to contribute if you can, because the stakes are just so high. You can donate here.

I am here to tell you about the biggest party EVER! So let’s begin at the beginning. Donald John Trump wants to throw America a birthday party. “In 2026, the U.S. will celebrate the semi-quincentennial: the quarter millennial since its declaration of independence,” Trump announced.

I must stop here to ask a question: Who wrote this for our traitor? Because of there’s one thing we know, it’s that Trump would not know a big bad word like “semi-quincentennial.” Trump wants to throw a big birthday party to celebrate the occasion. And he wants it to last all year.

Pavilions would be featured from all 50 states. School sporting contests, and a “national garden of American heroes” would be built. I am sure this garden would feature Trump’s scowling mug, and who knows? Perhaps a statue of Clarence Thomas might just adorn these delicate gardens. Anything’s possible in Trump’s fantasy world.

So there you have it! A juicy, delicious gala — a great big birthday party for all — to be celebrated all year. And, of course, you know that isn’t happening, AND by the year 2026, I fully expect Trump to be a king — king of his cell block, of course.

But allow me, dear readers, to suggest a different kind of party — a REAL celebration.The best party EVER. That is our celebration when Trump’s ass is carted off to prison. People will will sleep VERY well! Popcorn will be had, so much popcorn that grocery stores just might run out!

People will dance in the streets. From NYC to Philadelphia to San Francisco, the hills will be alive with the sound of music — and dancing. Animals will be joyous. Dolphins will leap into the crisp ocean air as people cheer and munch down hamburgers and hotdogs, and let’s not forget the pizza.

Memorabilia of Trump in an orange jumpsuit will be sold everywhere. Palmer Report will write many an article about it. Trump will have few visitors (except for Lindsey Graham, of course.) Bells will ring as Trump makes history as the first former president to land behind bars and in the poky. Yes. This is the best, the best party EVER.

Dear Palmer Report readers, we all understand the difficult era we're heading into. Major media outlets are caving to Trump already. Even the internet itself and publishing platforms may be at risk. But Palmer Report is nonetheless going to lead the fight. We're funding our 2025 operating expenses now, so we can keep publishing no matter what happens. I'm asking you to contribute if you can, because the stakes are just so high. You can donate here.