Donald Trump goes bonkers in the bunker

| 7:39 pm EDT June 6, 2020
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We have no way of knowing if Donald Trump is in the actual underground bunker beneath the White House right now, or if he’s merely in his bunker mentality of building a fence around the White House and hiding from reality. Whether his current bunker is literal or metaphorical, suffice it to say that Trump is going bonkers in the bunker tonight.

After what had been a comparatively quiet day for him, complete with zero public remarks, Trump is now tweeting like an idiot tonight. He claimed that he now has 96% support within the Republican Party, a number that climbs each time he quotes it, yet he’s never once said which supposed poll he’s talking about; it surely doesn’t exist.

Then Trump simply yelled “LAW & ORDER!” because he apparently can’t remember how to use more than two words at a time, or perhaps because he’s taken to watching actual reruns of the TV show of that same name. Everyone quickly began mocking Trump, including our personal favorite, “LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL BUNKER INSPECTOR UNIT!”

Donald Trump is not remotely well. He’s someone who should be getting professional psychological counseling, and considering his status as a criminal, he should be getting it from behind bars. But because he’s still technically President, he’s holed up like a fugitive in what is supposed to be the people’s house.