Donald Trump finally awakens from his coma, goes completely berserk

| 7:30 pm EST December 22, 2019
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For the second day in a row, Donald Trump got a particularly late start on Twitter. Yesterday he got halfway through the day before tweeting anything, and even then it was the kind of generic pablum that appeared to have been written by his staff. Today, Trump didn’t get around to tweeting anything until 3:18pm eastern time. Then he proceeded to try to make up for it by going indiscriminately, incoherently berserk.

Trump came roaring out of the gate this afternoon, reminding us that he’s incredibly frustrated that Nancy Pelosi has backed him into a corner, and reminding us that he doesn’t know how to spell words like “stripped” and he’s too vain to ask his many handlers to help him with it. He’s also as eager to lie about poll numbers as ever: “Crazy Nancy wants to dictate terms on the Impeachment Hoax to the Republican Majority Senate, but striped away all Due Process, no lawyers or witnesses, on the Democrat Majority House. The Dems just wish it would all end. Their case is dead, their poll numbers are horrendous!”

But Trump wasn’t done. After he tweeted a holiday greeting (obviously not written by him), he turned around and tried to see how many lies he could pack into one tweet: “The Democrats and Crooked Hillary paid for & provided a Fake Dossier, with phony information gotten from foreign sources, pushed it to the corrupt media & Dirty Cops, & have now been caught. They spied on my campaign, then tried to cover it up – Just Like Watergate, but bigger!”

Sure, Donald. Even Trump’s own Department of Justice Inspector General just got done publicly confirming that Trump was lying when he claimed his 2016 campaign was being spied on. There is also nothing in the Steele Dossier that’s turned out to be false. Trump has been impeached. He’s on his way to losing in 2020. He’ll go to prison after that. He’ll remain in solitary confinement until his eventual death. He’s done. Merry Christmas!