Donald Trump goes completely apeshit after it’s reported that Russian oligarchs co-signed his Deutsche Bank loans [updated]

| 11:56 pm EDT August 27, 2019
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Donald Trump, the so-called President of the United States, spent most of Tuesday yelling around about bed bugs. He spent the rest of the day insisting that he didn’t really want to drop a nuclear bomb on a hurricane. What Trump should have been concerned about on Tuesday was the speed at which his longtime partner in crime Deutsche Bank was throwing him under the bus.

The trouble started when Deutsche Bank responded to a court order about whether it has Donald Trump’s tax returns. Deutsche Bank responded that yes it does. It redacted Trump’s name, but Trump was the only person being asked about, so it’s definitely him. But the real fun came in the 10:00 hour on Tuesday night, when MSNBC host Lawrence O’Donnell revealed on air that according to a source close to Deutsche Bank, the bank’s loans to Trump were co-signed by Russian oligarchs [update: O’Donnell is now saying that the story didn’t go through MSNBC’s standard vetting process].

Once Deutsche Bank turns these documents over to the House Democrats, there really won’t be much left of Donald Trump, will there? So after the news broke that Russia literally and contractually owns Trump, he jumped on Twitter. That much was expected. The truly weird part: he did it so he could start ranting about bed bugs again. No, really.

Shortly before midnight, Donald Trump accused New York Times reporter Bret Stephens of being “loaded up” with bed bugs. We’re no fan of Stephens in general, and he had actually spent the day trying to cause trouble for a professor who had made a joke about Stephens being a bed bug. But none of that matters. The President of the United States has just been exposed as literally being owned by a foreign enemy, and his official response is to (presumably falsely) accuse a newspaper reporter of having bed bugs. Trump’s head isn’t in the game – and at this rate his butt won’t be in the White House much longer.