Anatomy of a nontroversy

| 3:00 pm EST January 11, 2023
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The Urban dictionary defines “nontroversy” as “a controversy that does not exist until created for political gain.” It is a portmanteau of “non” and “controversy.” It too-often exists these days to define the state of hypocrisy of the Republican Party, as “a compliment that vice pays to virtue,” as de La Rochefoucauld so elegantly put it.

When aides to Joe Biden discovered a handful of classified documents as they were moving boxes out of the president’s Washington-based think tank offices, it created just such a nontroversy. What many commentators are missing about this particular nontroversy is that it presents us with not only a delicious irony but an opportunity to criminally trap Donald Trump in a deadly “gotcha” that I will explain presently.

In case anyone is unclear about the difference between Joe Biden’s slip up and Donald Trump’s theft of classified documents, permit me to explain. First, the number of classified documents found in Biden’s care was a total of 12. In Trump’s case it’s 160 — that we know about. Next, Trump had at least 60 top secret documents at his shitty little golf club. Biden had at most 12 at his think tank.

Third, and most important, the minute Biden found out about the mistaken retention of the classified documents he immediately reported the oversight to the National Archives. Trump deliberately stole his documents then covered up the fact. What’s more, Trump spent months lying about the theft and covering it up to the point he is now under criminal investigation for obstruction. Also, Biden’s docs were discovered by his lawyers, Trump’s were discovered by the FBI during the lawful execution of a search warrant.

And there you have it. Now here’s the fun part. Here’s the “gotcha” part. If Trump and company are smart they will keep their yaps shut, shrug their shoulders and insist that Biden did nothing wrong. It would strengthen their position that Trump also did nothing wrong by retaining classified documents at Mar-a-Lago. But I don’t think they will do that. I don’t think they’ll do that because they’re stupid.

I think what’s going to happen is the Republican 118th Congress is going to make Biden’s innocent mistake one of the articles of impeachment they are going to inevitably draft (and fail to execute) in the normal course of their time-wasting session. I also think Trump will say something snide or condemnatory about Biden’s mishap. He can’t help himself. And that’s the point where the Department of Justice can use it all against Trump in a court of law.

If Trump is indicted for theft of classified documents, his lawyers will want to employ the defense that he did nothing wrong. The prosecution at that point will come back to him and show that he jolly well said otherwise, as did the entire Republican Party, when hypocritically talking about Joe Biden’s accidental document hoarding. They will, in short, use their position on Biden’s oversight as proof of their own hypocrisy and their entire disingenuous defence.

So next time you hear a Republican bashing the President for keeping classified documents at his think tank, just let them, brothers and sisters. Or as Napoleon once put it, “Never interrupt an enemy when he’s making a mistake. And, as ever, ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, comrades and friends, stay safe.