Donald Trump has berserk all-caps meltdown ahead of second round of televised impeachment hearings

| 12:31 am EST November 15, 2019
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To hear Donald Trump tell it, the House impeachment inquiry is now “dead.” In case you’re not exactly inclined to take his word for it, he’s been helpful enough to spell it out in all capital letters. And what’s he basing this on? The premise that his ally Gordon Sondland decided to incriminate himself for that Sondland didn’t even do.

Gordon Sondland admitted in revised testimony this week that he was the point man for Donald Trump’s Ukraine extortion scheme. This came after multiple witnesses testified about the various ways in which Sondland was running point. The thing is, Ukraine is still hesitant to admit to the full extent of the shenanigans that the Trump regime tried to carry out against the country, for fear it’ll make things even more unstable. Accordingly, Ukrainian Foreign Minister Vadym Prystaiko tried to float the notion yesterday that Sondland didn’t didn’t link U.S. military aid to smearing the Bidens.

No one believes this, of course. That is, unless you’re Donald Trump and you have nothing else to latch onto. In a late night Twitter rant for the ages, Trump is insisting that this means Gordon Sondland was lying when he confessed to carrying out the extortion crime against Ukraine. According to Trump’s warped logic, people apparently confess to crimes they didn’t commit for no reason. Just like he’s previously claimed that the likes of Michael Flynn and Paul Manafort didn’t commit the Trump-related crimes they’ve confessed to.

In any case, Donald Trump is now insisting that “Democrats must apologize to USA” for having dared to question him, and that “THE FAKE IMPEACHMENT INQUIRY IS NOW DEAD!” We’ll have to check with the House Democrats, but we’re pretty sure the impeachment inquiry is going to carry on Friday morning unabated. For some reason, Trump’s parlor trick just doesn’t seem to be working.