The media is in disarray
Hello, Audience! It’s good to have you with us! You’ve seen many reality TV shows in your life—Survivor, The Amazing Race, The Bachelor, Dancing with the Stars—but those shows pale in comparison to OUR new show!
Audience, I present to you—wait for it—live from across America—the new reality show, the one everybody is talking about — The Media in Disarray! This promises to be the snarkiest, most vitriolic, smarmy Reality show of your LIVES!
So, let’s get to it! Let’s meet the candidates! First, we have — the NY Times! The NY Times is competing for the title of media publication in the MOST Disarray! They’re doing an excellent job! From publishing articles disrespecting our President to questioning whether we need to vote to asking whether we even NEED a president in the first place, it’s clear that the NY Times is taking this contest very seriously! Cmon, audience, let’s hear some noise! We need boos!
Next up is contestant CNN! They are going for the gold! Their specialty is doing debates with mute moderators, which they have carried off with ease! Let’s raise our hands to contestant CNN!
Contestant number three! That is ABC’s George Stephanopoulos! Yes, here’s the man himself! This candidate has given us plenty of reasons to pick HIM as the most in disarray! Why he doesn’t even know how to conduct an interview! He just asks the same question over and over again!! And he gets PAID to do it! Wow, that’s some job, you got there! Yes, he is a worthy contender.
And now, audience, last but certainly not least: ALL OF THEM!
Yes, all of them: is the final contestant! They have certainly earned their place on this stage. After all, how much have we heard about Project 2025 from ALL OF THEM? Not much, right? I did a Google search just this morning, Audience, and there were few to no articles on this from many of the major media outlets!
That’s big news since it shows “All of them” doesn’t give a shit about Democracy! “All of them” really are rising, rising high, to take the prize, to grab the gold medal. “All of them” has won!
What’s their prize for beating out the competition? It’s a good one! The prize for “all of them” includes canceled subscriptions, which I’ve heard have already started, low ratings, disgusted non-clicks, and absolute misery! Let’s hear it for “All of them”: the worst, the most toxic of all!
