So much for Donald Trump hitting the campaign trail

| 7:29 pm EDT June 1, 2024
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The entire time Donald Trump was on criminal trial, he whined that it was keeping him from being able to go out and campaign. But the reality is that Trump’s handlers largely pulled him off the campaign trail weeks before the start of his trial, citing budgetary issues, but clearly trying to save Trump the embarrassment of going out there and giving senile speeches.

Now that Trump’s trial is over and he’s temporarily a free man (until his sentencing hearing in five weeks), you’d think he’d be hitting the campaign trail. But he’s not. Instead he’s been sitting home doing nothing today, and tonight he’s attending a UFC event.

That’s right, Trump is just going to sit there in a chair for two hours, and then spend ten seconds waving when his babysitters inform him that he’s on the jumbotron screen. This is what counts as Trump going out and “campaigning” at this point.

Trump’s babysitters know they can’t let him go out and speak in public more than occasionally, or the headlines will end up being all about his worsening dementia symptoms. So instead they’re propping him up in a chair and having him wave at a camera. Come to think of it, given Trump’s increasing propensity for confusedly waving at no one, he might not even get the wave right.