The RMS Trump

I am what you might call a collector of meaningless but eccentric historical juxtapositions. For example, I’ve long been intrigued by the odd historical fact that John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, two significant signers of the Declaration of Independence, died on the very same day, July fourth, 1826, the 50th anniversary of the date of the Declaration.

Another example is April 15th, a particularly ominous day for disasters. Abraham Lincoln died on that day, having been shot the previous night. The RMS Titanic sank on that day. Every American dreads that day in the ides of April, the deadline for filing income tax.

Monday, April 15th, is also scheduled to be the first day of Donald Trump’s first criminal trial. I hope that date will live up to its reputation by being the biggest disaster of Donald Trump’s life. With the speed of an assassin’s bullet, taxes and a ship-destroying iceberg, the date rushes toward him with lethal inevitability.

Another interesting juxtaposition is the amount of money President Joe Biden and Donald Trump raised at recent respective fundraisers. In a public, televised gala featuring Barack Obama and Bill Clinton, the President raised twenty-five million dollars for his campaign coffers. In a closed, secretive, paranoid, dark conclave of billionaires, Trump claims he raised fifty million.

Of course, it’s no accident that Trump claimed that. Just as he lied when he claimed that his inauguration drew the biggest crowd in history, just as he lied when he claimed that he beat Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden by millions of votes in 2016 and 2020 respectively, his fundraiser had to double Biden’s. That is wholly consistent with the neediness of his unquenchable ego, right? Can you imagine him claiming anything less?

Well I say let him. Just as you can’t post a $175m phoney bond, you can’t buy advertising in battleground states with Monopoly money. Joe Biden has already used a huge portion of the millions he’s raised to buy ads in battleground states in October. Donald Trump hasn’t spent a single penny there. Why? Because he doesn’t have the money. Because he lied about how much he raised.

Well I say let him. Let him lie about it. Biden has bought up almost all the ad space anyway. Trump will miss the deadline for buying any ads at all, and when October comes he will whine and cry about how unfair it is that Biden has all the ads. Good.

Just as it gave me great pleasure to say that Donald Trump lost the 2020 election, it gives me similarly great pleasure to say that Donald Trump can’t raise enough money for his campaign. It also gives me great pleasure to write that Donald Trump goes on trial on Monday. So much so I’ll write it again. Donald Trump goes on trial on Monday.

So vote for Joe Biden in November, folks. For one thing, he doesn’t go on trial on Monday. And, as ever, ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, comrades and friends, stay safe.