Where’s Melania?

Where is Melania Trump? I only ask because, if Michelle Obama or Jill Biden hadn’t been seen in public alone or with their husbands in the last few years, the terrorist organisation that we laughingly refer to as “Fox News” would be crowing the question to its audience on a nightly basis. So I thought I’d ask the question for them. Just to save them the trouble. You know, under the circumstances.

The answer is, “nowhere in particular,” as it turns out. Melania pretty much keeps to herself at Mar-a-Lago, or Bedminster, or Trump Tower, or wherever she happens to be at the moment. She and her secret service detail seldom intersect with Trump and his secret service detail. Whether or not she and her rapist, murderer, crime-boss husband are on the outs may be a moot question. It could be argued that they never really were on the ins.

But one thing is for sure, wherever she is, she’s making her own money. She’s leveraged the power of the former First Lady of the United States to make some serious cheddar, at least by the standards of most of us.

For example, last July, weirdly, Melania Trump minted her very own collection of — I hope you’re sitting down for this — Apollo-11-themed NFTs for sale. That particular minting, as it turns out, may have violated NASA policies. But Melania is a Trump after all and such niceties don’t necessarily apply to her, either. At the very least she’s apparently not a moon hoaxer. Give her that much.

She also hasn’t been a total recluse. For the low, low price of only $500,000, you too can have your very own event graced by a Melania appearance. She did so for the Log Cabin Republicans and for another conservative elections organisation with the hilariously unintentional double-entendre name of “Fix California.”

So you might say that Melania Trump is, ahem, whoring for money. Big money, to be sure. Or, in the alleged (paraphrased) words of Winston Churchill, we’ve already established what she is, we’re just haggling over the price.

I hasten to add that the situation is true in the reverse. Of course Melania’s nefarious husband is every bit the whore she is. He wouldn’t have anything to do with her if her looks started to fade. But since his money is starting to fade, she’s proven two things, that she doesn’t particularly need his company and that she doesn’t particularly need his money, what’s left of either, of course.

Of course, Melania’s expenses are considerable. It’s been estimated that her stylist alone has earned $108,000 working for Melania already thIs year. So in order to keep her gravy train running hot and on time Melania has to milk her own celebrity for all that it’s worth. After all, the number of Republican organisations with the money and the will to pay her fancy appearance fees aren’t very many to begin with. And I predict that number will be far smaller in succeeding years.

I expect that in the coming years Melania will ultimately follow the money and her own fame, wherever they happen to lead her. One thing is probable, they won’t lead her into a jail cell with her criminal husband. I could be wrong but, apart from violating NASA licensing fees, which is hardly a criminal matter, Melania has stayed out of criminal trouble.

But I must say, in the final analysis, I don’t really care. Do you? No, I didn’t think you did. And, as ever, ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, comrades and friends, stay safe.