Ted Cruz lays an egg

| 2:00 pm EST November 8, 2021
Dear Palmer Report readers, we all understand the difficult era we're heading into. Major media outlets are caving to Trump already. Even the internet itself and publishing platforms may be at risk. But Palmer Report is nonetheless going to lead the fight. We're funding our 2025 operating expenses now, so we can keep publishing no matter what happens. I'm asking you to contribute if you can, because the stakes are just so high. You can donate here.

What with the Democrats passing a major infrastructure bill over the weekend and all, Republicans had to do something. Ted Cruz may have hit upon the perfect solution to represent just how far Republicans have fallen down the rabbit hole of ludicrousness. He went after Big Bird.

The giant and yellow Sesame Street icon did what birds (big or otherwise) do best, he tweeted. In essence, he reminded children in the gentlest possible way that lifesaving measures to keep them and their friends safe aren’t scary. To quote the flaxen feathered friend directly, “I got the COVID-19 vaccine today! My wing is feeling a little sore, but it’ll give my body an extra protective boost that keeps me and others healthy.”

Not to be outdone by a fellow Muppet, Cruz retweeted the tweet and retorted with, “Government propaganda…for your 5 year old!” The little man somehow managed to make himself littler.

There are few better illustrations of how Republicans have politicized public health. Ted Cruz got mad because of a fictional bird tweeting about being healthy and vaccinated. Like so many things the hapless Senator has done in his career, he soon regretted it. The backlash was swift and effective.

Activist David Hogg had this to say: “Ted Cruz is doing the job of our enemies by spreading more disinformation that’s killed over 200,000 Americans this year,” Hogg tweeted. “I can not believe an actual sitting senator would tweet this. At least it’s acceptable for birds to fly south for the winter — unlike some senators who left millions of their constituents to f**king die in the cold,”

Representative Eric Swalwell tweeted, “Imagine coming down harder on a fictional bird than the man who called your wife ugly.” (During the 2016 presidential election, Donald Trump tweeted an unflattering picture of Ted Cruz’s wife Heidi with the caption, “No need to ‘spill the beans.’ The images are worth a thousand words.”)

Actor Seth MacFarlane had this to tweet, “No surprise Big Bird is smarter than Ted Cruz. So is Kermit, Ernie, Bert, Grover, Oscar, Cookie Monster, The Count, Mr. Snuffleupagus, Fozzie, Miss Piggy, Rowlf, Dr. Teeth, The Swedish Chef, Scooter, Janice, Gonzo, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Beaker, and Animal.” Not necessarily in that order, of course.

A word of advice to Senator Cruz: when fake outrage is all you have, you should at least aim it at real issues and stay clear of Dr. Seuss and Sesame Street — it makes you look, well, chickenshit, for lack of a better word. But don’t worry, Senator, Donald Trump’s infrastructure bill will be along — in two weeks. And, as ever, ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, comrades and friends, stay safe.

Dear Palmer Report readers, we all understand the difficult era we're heading into. Major media outlets are caving to Trump already. Even the internet itself and publishing platforms may be at risk. But Palmer Report is nonetheless going to lead the fight. We're funding our 2025 operating expenses now, so we can keep publishing no matter what happens. I'm asking you to contribute if you can, because the stakes are just so high. You can donate here.