Donald Trump can’t understand why his plan isn’t working

| 7:45 pm EDT September 30, 2019
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Every inch of Donald Trump’s presidency is now on fire. He’s been caught red handed committing a pattern of treasonous acts against the United States, and it’s becoming clear that he’s incriminated most or all of his own top people in the process. They can’t protect him anymore, because they’re too busy trying to figure out how to protect themselves. Trump has a plan to save himself, though.

The trouble for Donald Trump is that his plan is like something out of a rejected script for the world’s most delusionally incompetent cartoon villain. This morning Trump hopped on Twitter and demanded that Democratic Congressman Adam Schiff be arrested for treason. Last we checked, Schiff has definitely not been arrested.

This comes after Trump called for a Civil War last night. We just looked out the window, and we saw a distinct lack of muskets or any other signs of a Civil War. Last week Trump announced that Nancy Pelosi is “no longer Speaker of the House.” Again, we checked, and she’s still very much Speaker of the House.

Donald Trump can’t seem to understand why his plan to save himself isn’t working. Maybe it’s because his plan consists of just yelling out his deranged fantasies in public, and thinking it’ll magically cause these things to happen. Nothing happens that way, even when you’re President of the United States. It’s why Donald Trump won’t be President of the United States for much longer.