The Brett Kavanaugh horror film has jumped the shark

| 8:00 am EDT September 28, 2018
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You know that horror movie where the villain spends the entire time masquerading as a respected member of society, right up until the end, where he realizes he’s going to lose, so he drops all pretense and starts screaming around about how he doesn’t care anymore, while pouring gasoline all over himself and begging for a book of matches?

If you haven’t been able to find that movie at the theater, that’s because you’ve been watching it on your television all along. It’s called the Brett Kavanaugh story, and fair warning, make sure you get the kids out of the room. The thing is, this horror movie has stopped being realistic even by horror movie standards. Even when the villain snaps and reveals himself to society at the end, he’s at least supposed to ramp up to it.

This Brett Kavanaugh character came out of the gate screaming and had a complete mental breakdown within the first three minutes of his monologue, and then proceeded to continue to unravel for hours, even as his criminal friends tried to talk him out of reaching for that book of matches. Even if he weren’t a serial sexual assaulter – and no reasonable person believes after his mentally incompetent testimony that he’s innocent – he’d still be far too mentally unstable to be on the Supreme Court. In all seriousness, this guy couldn’t be trusted to hold a job sweeping the floor at Arby’s, for fear he’d start screaming and crying at a customer who looked at him wrong.

But day jobs are for the real world, right? The Brett Kavanaugh movie clearly isn’t set in the real world, or for that matter, the known universe. This obviously fictional horror movie could only take place in a world in which the President of the United States was enough of a deranged psychopath to nominate someone like him, and the Republican Party was corruptly evil enough to embrace him. Kavanaugh begged to be finished off today. Instead, eleven Republican Senators told him that they liked the smell of the gasoline. This can’t possibly be real.