Donald Trump has reached the point where he’s just confessing everything

| 2:30 am EDT May 14, 2018
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Over the past two weeks we’ve watched, laughed, and asked aloud if we should be calling his chaperone, as Rudy Giuliani went on television and confessed that Donald Trump committed quite a number of felonies. We’ve also seen AT&T quickly confess to having bribed Michael Cohen to to get to Donald Trump. Now that it’s officially Confession Month, it turns out Donald Trump wants in on the act as well.

Right now every federal investigator and political journalist and their grandmother is digging around trying to find out which other corporations and entities were bribing Donald Trump. So how is Trump handling this? In the old days, Trump would have tried to distract from the bribery scandal by launching a racist attack against a famous black athlete, or by falsely accusing Hillary Clinton of an imaginary crime. But not this new version of Trump. No, he’s decided to tell us precisely where to look next for his bribes.

In an attempt at distracting us from the AT&T bribe, the Novartis bribe, and the Russian oligarch bribe, here’s what Trump tweeted: “President Xi of China, and I, are working together to give massive Chinese phone company, ZTE, a way to get back into business, fast. Too many jobs in China lost. Commerce Department has been instructed to get it done!” No, just no. Come on, Donald. You’re making this too easy.

Donald Trump just confessed that someone, whether it be ZTE itself, or the government of China or someone else who stands to profit, has bribed him so he’ll get involved in a Chinese internal issue that he couldn’t otherwise care less about. Trump just told us where to start digging. He couldn’t have been any more blatant about it. As his mind continues to unravel, it appears Trump has forgotten that he’s not supposed to just confess to these things – that’s what he has Rudy for.